Ever since I can remember I've had my life planned out. I have always been very careful and calculated, never wanting to rock the boat. At age 8 I had put together a solid plan to build an extra room on to our house and had even called and gotten estimates from contractors in our area. By the age of 10 I had my wedding planned, complete with a giant binder filled with quotes from florists and certain types of dresses I wanted to look at. When ever I had a goal I got down to business and made it happen. I've been lucky that way, always having a family who believed in me. So, when I met Martin he fit perfectly into my little plan. When he proposed in 2007 I could practically see our life together unfolding in front of us before he had even slipped the ring on my finger. As soon as I got home I got my wedding binder out and began making appointments. It was going to be perfect. Have you ever noticed that when we make plans, God sends us a reminder that He's in charge after all?
Martin and I got married a year later in a perfect garden ceremony surrounded by friends and family. We couldn't wait to start a family of our own and decided that it would be a priority in our lives from then on. When I didn't get pregnant right away we didn't worry too much. I was disappointed, but Martin was strong and reassuring. I remember hearing that a friend from high school was pregnant a few months after our wedding and I was heartbroken. I think that was the first time I caught a glimpse of the pain of infertility. After about a year of trying on our own (it isn't as easy as they say it is in high school health class) my best friend talked me in to talking to my doctor. Hesitantly, I made the appointment and was soon face to face with the reality of our situation. It was hard to get anyone to take us seriously, a 20 year old with infertility issues isn't exactly something people think is an problem. After one particularly uncomfortable appointment I actually had a doctor tell me to "relax and get a kitten". Even now, two years later, thinking of those hurtful words makes me so angry. Eventually, 4 appointments and two doctors later, we got referred to a Fertility Specialist. We met with them the very next week and began testing. Soon we found out that 1 in 6 couples suffer from infertility in the United States and, lucky us, we were one of them. Once we sat down with the specialist they explained to us that we had a 1% chance of conceiving on our own. Needless to say my heart dropped. After a few days of feeling sorry for myself we called the office and made an appointment to go in and talk about our options. They got us in the next day and we laid out a plan. The next 5 months were filled with ovulation tests and early morning trips to the doctors office. We went through 4 cycles in Inter-uterine Insemination (IUI) with no hormone stimulation. After the fourth failed cycle they put me on a drug called Clomid. I was only able to do two cycles with clomid before it took such an emotional toll on me that they decided to take me off of it. After clomid, they gave me one cycle of injectables. So, every night for a week Martin had to give me a shot in my stomach and at the end of the week I went in for the procedure and after the ultra sound they decided they couldn't proceed because I had "hyper-ovulated", which often times results in multiples (triplets, etc...). After that we sat back down with the doctor to reassess our game plan. That was the day InVitro Fertlization (IVF) came into the picture. IVF is a very expensive ($15,000) procedure that is almost never covered by insurance. Unfortunately, after many specialists and second, third, and fourth opinions IVF is our best chance of conceiving a child of our own. That was nearly two years ago. Since then we haven't tried any more procedures, instead we've decided to save our money for IVF.
I am not writing this blog to make anyone feel sorry for us, and I'm not writing to just show our private life to the world. Instead, I am hoping that this blog will follow us through the IVF process and then the pregnancy to follow. It is my hope that if there is anyone else out there going through this heartache that they will read this and find hope in what I have to say. I hope to be the girl that reminds people that
....impossible is not a word, it's just a reason for someone not to try...
Oh Evan! I had a gut feeling you guys were trying, but had no idea all this was going on. Here's hoping that 2012 is your year, and that you have a baby in your arms soon. Lots of love to you both!
ReplyDeleteWishing you the best of luck in this not so fun journey of IF. I've been there and I know what you're going through. It is very difficult knowing that you can't get pregnant as easily as "everyone else". But as you say, it isn't impossible, it is just harder.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to reading your journey and giving support where I can.