I got this article off of another blog that I follow and I thought that it was so well written and such an important topic that I had to share... Here's the link to that blog as well: http://www.bloggersforhope.com/
The Emotions of Using a Donor
One thing that my husband and I have dealt with when deciding to use
donor sperm was the emotional decision. It's much more than just
choosing a donor. There is a huge emotional process you go through just
to get to the point of deciding that was what we wanted to pursue.
The emotional process is important whether you are considering donor sperm or donor eggs.
Some things to consider are:
Give yourself time to grieve your loss of a genetic connection to your child.
This was an important part of the process for us. We felt we couldn't move forward until we had come to terms with the grief associated with losing part of that genetic connection. It is still something that comes up from time to time. Recently we were out to dinner and I saw a father walk past with his young son. The son was a mini-me of his father. And my heart just broke that Ike would not be able to experience this.
Take the time to realize that you and your partner are creating a child who is unique to your family and would not be created if not for your love for each other.
This is so true. Every child is a unique creation.
Read what the donor has to say about herself and choose someone who you can relate to.
This was important to us. One of the factoring decisions for us when we chose our last donor was reading the essays he wrote on why he wanted to be a sperm donor. It really spoke to us. We felt he was someone we could connect with and we were moved by his words.
Don't try to replace yourself; you can't. You are unique, just as every donor is unique.
It is so important to remember that you won't find a perfect replacement for your genetics. You are trying to add to your family and not look for exact genetics.
Tell or Don't Tell?
Something we struggled with was whether or not to share with our families that we were using a donor to help conceive a child. For us, we chose to only tell a certain few people. Our parents, a few close friends, and a couple of other close family members. It wasn't because we were ashamed that we were using a donor, but it was because we felt it was our future child's story and they should tell it.
Some people choose to be very open with the fact they are using a donor. It really depends on your personal preference. Every situation is different. In the end, you have to do what you feel is best for your family.T
The emotional process is important whether you are considering donor sperm or donor eggs.
Some things to consider are:
Give yourself time to grieve your loss of a genetic connection to your child.
This was an important part of the process for us. We felt we couldn't move forward until we had come to terms with the grief associated with losing part of that genetic connection. It is still something that comes up from time to time. Recently we were out to dinner and I saw a father walk past with his young son. The son was a mini-me of his father. And my heart just broke that Ike would not be able to experience this.
Take the time to realize that you and your partner are creating a child who is unique to your family and would not be created if not for your love for each other.
This is so true. Every child is a unique creation.
Read what the donor has to say about herself and choose someone who you can relate to.
This was important to us. One of the factoring decisions for us when we chose our last donor was reading the essays he wrote on why he wanted to be a sperm donor. It really spoke to us. We felt he was someone we could connect with and we were moved by his words.
Don't try to replace yourself; you can't. You are unique, just as every donor is unique.
It is so important to remember that you won't find a perfect replacement for your genetics. You are trying to add to your family and not look for exact genetics.
Tell or Don't Tell?
Something we struggled with was whether or not to share with our families that we were using a donor to help conceive a child. For us, we chose to only tell a certain few people. Our parents, a few close friends, and a couple of other close family members. It wasn't because we were ashamed that we were using a donor, but it was because we felt it was our future child's story and they should tell it.
Some people choose to be very open with the fact they are using a donor. It really depends on your personal preference. Every situation is different. In the end, you have to do what you feel is best for your family.T
